Sair's Lair

Sair's Flair
 

A Goodbye

I suffer with social anxiety and don't get on with others.  I am not a good person.  I am and have been nasty to people.  Therefore it follows that I should not be with people.  Having alienated myself from many people in my life - at work and on the Internet - I think it best that I discontinue my "me me me" communications both online and at work.  I have announced today that I will no longer be recording audioboos, I shall not be sending tweets and will not be going on Facebook anymore.  I'm not listening to others' boos, nor reading others' Facebook/Tweets etc. etc.  That way I will not encounter a feeling of a desire to reply.  It's just best that way - that I don't inflict myself on others anymore.  I am only going to be using the Dropvox app as a diary tool for myself which is completely private and will not be annoyingly public.

I apologise to all those people online that I have upset over the years.  Your consolation is for you to know that *I* know how bad I am and how bad I have been with all of you and am full of regrets and hatred for myself.

Complete withdrawal from communication of any sort - apart from work-related essential communication - is what I intend to implement.  It's a strategy of complete abstinence of any social communication of any kind with anyone.  No more upsetting people.

The duo who banned me from their lives were correct to do so.  Being banned has meant a great deal of heartache and soul searching as it's hard to accept being hated for ever but I do understand what I horrible person I have been and will always be and understand why I was rejected,

Having communicated myself online since 1999 there is a lot of my crap words out there but I shall not be retracing my steps to eradicate it all, so for that I am sorry too.

I MUST refrain from communicating online altogether from now on.  A hard task to remember initially but it must be done.

Bye.

Filed under  //   AudioBoo   Me   Stickam   social media   tweets   work  
Posted May 12, 2012
 

Restraint

I've been on a pics and tags clearout of Audioboo imports today to keep my tags list low on this blog.  Over 50 tags and it gets messy IMO.  I generalise for my tags so myself and any visitors can usually find the kind of content they want to see.

Feeling very down again over the past day or so.  I want to avoid communicating via Audioboo or Facebook or Twitter or Path or GetGlue etc. because at the moment I have little faith in my ability to say anything worthwhile.  But here on my blog I feel free enough to express myself completely.  Automatic posting will happen I suppose but people have a choice whether to come here or not.

It is many years since verbal abuse from my ex-husband - telling me I was a useless mother and a useless wife - completely eliminated my self-worth but sometimes the feeling comes back.  The smallest negative comment can trigger it and I'm back in that frame of mind again now.

I really MUST refrain from expressing myself online as I have done before now.

EDIT:  Addition

Someone has left me a message which is easily accessible but I do not feel up to receiving its contents.  A fear of disapproval/anger prevents me.  I run away again to this, my home.  Time to immerse myself in mind-numbing television programmes on catch-up online.  No fear of anger or rejection there.

Tomorrow I shall dedicate time to my private Posterous spaces which relate to my own private life.

Filed under  //   Me   social media  
Posted April 7, 2012
 

Posterous - Twitter - Overwhelmed - Sad

For anyone who has waded through my recent Audioboos and to anyone who sent a boo reply referring to them, I wholeheartedly apologise.  I thought I had enough patience and know-how to set up a Wordpress 'blog' and import my Posterous 'stuff' but after hearing many, many reply boos on the subject I feel inadequate, overwhelmed and decidedly stupid and regretful for even attempting to move it all and carry on an alternate 'blogging' site as if nothing had happened.

So I have requested a refund:

Wordpress_refund

Act in haste, repent at leisure and all that.

Way before any of you had a 'blog' I had an online diary at www.deardiary.net - click on the link to see my very outdated links to diary pages - the last time I posted there was in 2009.  But I started there in about 1999!

I moved to Blogger, then to Flavours.me and finally, 4 years ago, ended up at a new, cosy home here at Posterous.  I've loved it here.  I like the set up.  I like the easy upload, both on the website and on the Posterous app.  I'm not so keen on the new 'Spaces' set up but it doesn't interfere with my 'blog' at all.

I have THREE Posterous diaries here!  One public and two private.  With Posterous staff being 'acquired' by Twitter and the probability that Posterous is going to die, I'm not best pleased.

Posterousleft

Someone?  Anyone out there care to do a takeover of Posterous?  I wouldn't mind paying a reasonable fee if it meant I can keep my 4 years of content here and continue in the future.  Any takers?  Would *anyone* care to set up a website which is as easy to use as Posterous but is a paid service which guarantees to keep content and NOT be affected?

I like it here and realy *don't want* to have to move myself or all my content elsewhere.  I don't want to start again.

The only thing that has been constant is Steve's 'old-fashioned' Dear Diary which I probably will return to, for its reliability, if Posterous dies.

[sigh]

Filed under  //   AudioBoo   Me   people   social media   tweets  
Posted March 20, 2012